Cerebral Palsy is just not as cool as some of the other disabilities. Seriously, why would you ever use someone with CP in a commercial or rags to riches story when you have perfectly good amputees and SCIs rolling around!? CP just doesn't make for good TV. CP4s usually don't look that disabled, so you have to pan the camera close in to the fingers that are curled up and look funny and bent out of shape in extension. It really isn't as sweet as having a carbon fibre arm or leg, because you just say "My leg is carbon fibre." Then everyone goes "oooh". You can totally build one in the shape of an aero fairing, I'm green with envy. I spend all this money on carbon bike parts and the LC2s one up all of us with carbon legs, pfft. I'm not sure if LC1s are as cool as LC2s from a TV standpoint, but they still get this neat little arm/claw thing that a camera picks up pretty easily. On top of that, they are the fastest category in Para-cycling; so not fair. CP4 tends to be the third fastest single bike category behind LC1 and 2, a pure reeep-off (in the spirit of Bela Karoli).
Then you have the hand-cyclist. They look all swole with their broad shoulders, lady killer guns, and low slung chariots. And then they break their cranks. Tell me this is not a great "made for TV story"; "Yeah, I was going to win, then I broke my cranks, WITH MY ARMS!" WHAT, who does that? I don't break cranks with my legs.
So clearly, I need to pick a new disability. It's all the doctor's fault. They didn't have to prescribe medicine I would end up being allergic to. I'll even makes suggestions.
1) They could have just chopped my arm off, that way I'd be faster.
2) They could have chopped off a leg; this is probably my pick. I'd get into laying up carbon so I could make totally killer new legs. I'd do one that was super aero and one shaped like a Lord of the Rings Sword, I'd call it "the dagger".
3)They could have just broken my knee caps or something so I could be a handcyclist. I'd get way more girls because I would knock them dead with my guns.
PS: This is a humor piece, please read it that way.
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3 comments:
Dude that was very funny! I am a LC2, but only a foot amputation. I don't get all those cool legs like other LC2s. I like your blog I found your blog from Gretta's. Hope to see you at nationals next year.
Hey Anon,
Glad you liked it!
Greta is freaking awesome and she was the one that told me about Nationals this year. Were you there? Do you have a blog or facebook? Hit me up, I'm curious about how you clip in. Do you have a prostetic foot?
Yeah I was at the track portion of nationals and the TT, but I was rolling around in a whellchair do to an injury on my "good leg". I do have a face book account, you can look me up at Jeremiah Bouchard. I go to Fort Lewis College in case there are other Jeremiah Bouchards on there. I looked for you on facebook, but there are alot of Aaron Trents. I where regular cycling shoes when I ride. I use a prostetic foot most of the time.
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